Thursday, October 13, 2011

Coffee...I need coffee...

I don't think I've ever gone back and talked about Scott's back surgery and the total spin it put on our lives to land us here and completely put our lives in God's hands.  And this isn't necessarily the time to do that, but I'm just throwing the idea out there to give you the background info that we know backs in our house.  And chiropractors.

We love them and trust them and have had great ones and bad ones.  Well, Scott tweaked his back a couple weeks ago, getting ready for a powerlifting competition and it put us in search of a good one again.  Thankfully, we found one and Scott really likes and trusts him.

The other day, he gave him this handy-dandy pamphlet on nutrition and a cleanse to help heal your body.  After reading through it last night, he handed it to me and announced that he was going to start it.  Tomorrow.  

Now, I have had my share of friends try cleanses and, honestly, it hasn't ever been anything that's interested me because they've all involved drinking tons or weird drinks and not eating anything and, well that's out right now for Miss Prego here.  But this was different and is a basic, three stage clean eating plan that is similar to what we've done before, the first stage eliminating some fruits and starches and dairy and basically, junk.

So I agreed to join him because there's no point in one person in our house going about anything alone...and then I read what else this first stage eliminated...


As in, my life-blood.  (All of my friends just pulled in a sharp breath between their teeth, because as I live, I drink coffee, people.)

So I shared this information with my husband and he too, sucked air in his teeth because he is my love and fellow addict.  And then I let him know what else it eliminated...whey protein.  (And all of Scott's friends just fainted because very few have seen him without an EAS shaker at some point during the day.)

But move ahead we did, in the name of health, and have proceeded to be zombies together all day without our caffeine mana...

Which leads me to my main point that mothers with small children should never go off caffeine.  Undoubtedly, they become whinier, louder, bader forms of your previous children.

So this morning, I got up and proceeded to drink three large cups of tea, in hopes that it could touch the caffeine buzz that I am used to in order to go on with a normal existence.  It didn't, but at least it took the edge off as Elizabeth came downstairs after having dressed herself in clothes from the dirty clothes hamper.  Seeing the spaghetti stains from yesterday simply made me crave that sweet coffee and creamer more and I sent her back upstairs to "find something clean!  From your drawers!  And put those back in the dirty clothes."

So this was the outfit she came back down with and I'm not sure it's much better than spaghetti stains, but at least it's clean.  She loves leggings, of any color, and this shirt is one of her favorites.  She's also wearing striped purple socks.  Why yes, I dressed Rachel...I AM GOING OFF COFFEE, OK?!  IT REALLY LOOKS CUTE IN PERSON. 

After yet another fit (by Elizabeth, not me...ha!), my fashionistas and I headed to the Y and we all came out after an hour with better attitudes and decided to make a run to Kroger for all the healthy food that daddy and I needed for our new diet.

I don't know why I went to the nice Kroger...I should have just gone to the one right down from our house that we normally frequent.  The one that knows me and shoots knowing glances in the direction of the frazzled, pregnant again mother with two small children.  But I thought the nice one would have nicer produce and it was conveniently located right next to a Chick-Fil-A that I could use as bribery for my children, who tend to run sprints up and down the aisles.  

(By the way, Elizabeth and Rachel are not joining us on the diet...I know my limits, people.  And my limit stops at no cheese or Dora yogurt for my daughters.)

The shopping trip went beautifully...our best ever, in fact.  My children were cute and happy and didn't run and ate their free cookies from the bakery (another bribe...I have no shame) and then we went to the check out.  

Now, if stores could create checkout lanes with no candy, I would wait in line for the thing.  As it goes, I play the slap hands game as my children grab Mentos, Rolos, and their favorite - Tic Tacs.  They've never eaten these candies,  they just like the looks or (in Tic Tacs case) sound of them.  Meanwhile, I am trying to squeeze by the grocery cart that has the car attached to the front and is as wide as a semi with my big pregnant belly and reach the groceries over the cart to the conveyer.  All while the check out lady stands and watches me and eyes up my children's ensembles.

Really...I didn't need her help...

So we got it all loaded and past the candy and as she gives me the total, I look up and see that Elizabeth has climbed out of the plastic car and is running for these bins of candy.

As in open bins.  You know, the kinds with the scoops?   So I keep one eye on her as I slide my debit card and in no time, watch her open a bin of gummy worms, pull one out and put it in her mouth, spit it out and put it back in the bin.  

They were sour.

I could have been in a movie, with the delayed, "Noooooooo!!" as I lunged towards my oldest child and grabbed her by the arm, dragging her back to the cart.  Because seriously, what was I going to do?  Rummage through for the wet one?  Buy the whole bin?   No.  I did what came first to my head and high tailed it out of the nice Kroger, where I can never show my face again.  Seriously, we'll just stick close to home and eat lesser produce.  It'll be fine.

Of course, my best friend Amanda called on our way home and, upon hearing my saga, died laughing, adding into it my episode yesterday where I caught Elizabeth washing her hands in the toilet.

"So old potty fingers doesn't like gummy worms, huh?"  

Coffee...I need coffee... 

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