So I've been going through this back and forth with myself on whether or not I want to keep the blog going or not. Don't get me wrong...I love all you people who take an interest in our lives or my opinion on anything, but life with three children under five has quite seriously thrown me through a loop.
I keep waiting to hit my stride any day...and recently, I've feared that maybe there isn't a stride after all and I'm going to be in this flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants stage for the rest of my life. And as much as I enjoy writing, I have a lot of mommy guilt that piles up when I sit down to do ANYTHING for my own enjoyment.
Maybe you recognize the thought process. It usually goes something like this:
I should really sit down and write...
But the kitchen is a wreck.
I should probably update my header since I'm not pregnant anymore...
But I haven't swept the floor in five days.
I've had these notes written up and I should just finish that one story...
But the bathrooms are gah-ross.
And on and on it goes. Really, the only thing I steadily do for me is go to the gym, but even that has been spottier since Caleb has been born than ever before in my life. There always seems to be a doctor's appointment or a play group or an emergency errand that needs run or someone has yellow snot running down their face.
Even fixing a meal for myself is a challenge. If Scott's on the road, I will go days without really fixing a meal...unless you count mac and cheese or eggs or heating up leftover pizza for the kids a meal. It is just easier to pick at things, pour a bowl of cereal or (shudder) eat what's left on the kids' plates when they're done.
And I know I'm not alone, because I hear so many of my friends having the same gripes or frustrations.
So let me clue you in on some words of wisdom my friend Susie gave me regarding my kitchen that I have since expanded to my life. I was griping to her about how I could probably spend every second of my day in the kitchen either cooking the next meal or cleaning up after the last one and she told me about visiting a home recently where the kitchen was gorgeous. The counter tops were cleared, the appliances spotless, no food on the floor...you get the picture. And then she found out that the couple always ate out and the room was very rarely used. Thus spawned this line of thought. (And I used YOU to really mean ME...unless, of course, you need it to refer to YOU. Then, by all means, go ahead.)
Your kitchen is always messy because you cook in it. Three meals a day and several snacks. Your children eat at the island and enjoy your company and each other so they linger...continually leaving crumbs and sticky trails as they do.
Your house is always dirty because your kids play. They jump, they climb, they run outside and then back inside and then back outside again because you are letting them be kids.
Your windows are always smudged because your children are always looking for Daddy to come home. He is their hero and provider and they need to see him coming so they can ambush him at the door.
And you won't find a stride - it's not there. Because if this whole gig was easy then you wouldn't need to pray or search for answers higher than yourself or recognize how much you need the One who blessed you with these little people to start with.
I guess it's all in how you handle the chaos, and, as for me, I'm going to keep writing through it. :)
Thanks for reading!